Helping our boys feel less alone

Loneliness is quietly on the rise for boys, but there’s good news – parents can make a real difference by helping strengthen the “thread” of connection with their sons.

In a chat with Dr Ray Swann and Daniel Petre, author of Father Time: Making Time for Your Children, they talked about the invisible thread that ties parents to their kids. Daniel, a successful tech executive, realised early on that to build a deeper bond with his children, he had to intentionally make space for them in his life.

That ‘thread’ between parent and child works both ways. If you give it a gentle tug, your child needs to know you’re there on the other end.

As boys grow, friendships and connection become essential to their wellbeing. But research shows an alarming trend: up to 1 in 4 young men under 30 say they don’t have a close friend. That’s not just sad – it’s a serious issue. Loneliness has been linked to depression and even physical health problems. And because many boys grow up hearing that they should be “tough” or go it alone, they’re less likely to reach out when they need support.

So, what can we do as parents?

Teach Flexible Thinking
Empathy and open-mindedness help boys navigate relationships. Try this:

• When your son hits a challenge, add the word “yet” to his sentence: “I’m not good at this… yet.”
• Ask creative “what if” questions to help him imagine different outcomes.
• When there’s conflict, talk through possible reasons someone acted a certain way instead of jumping to blame.

Be a Role Model
Boys learn how to build friendships by watching us.

• Show them how to greet people, ask questions, and say thank you.
• Share your own stories about making friends or asking for help.
• Try a weekly check-in at dinner where everyone shares how they’re feeling – just 30 seconds each can make a big difference.

Encourage Small Steps
Big change starts small. Encourage your son to:

• Smile and say hi at school.
• Help someone out in a small way.
• Swap one social media message for a real conversation.
• Explore a new interest – it can open doors to new friendships.

Connection isn’t built in a day, but with a little time and care, we can help our boys feel less alone – and much more understood.

Adapted from an article featured on the Foundation for Positive Masculinity website found here.

You can listen to the Understanding Boys podcast episode with Daniel Petre here.

Brought to you by Brighton Grammar School