Helping your son to open up – Guidance for parents

As parents, we all want our children to grow up healthy, happy, and emotionally balanced. However, many boys often face challenges when it comes to expressing their emotions. Society’s traditional expectations of masculinity can sometimes make it difficult for them to feel comfortable talking about their feelings. This is why it’s crucial to create an environment where they feel safe and supported in doing so.

Why boys may struggle to express themselves

Boys are often taught from a young age that expressing emotions, particularly sadness or fear, is a sign of weakness. As child psychologist Dr. Steve Biddulph explains, “When boys are told to shut down their feelings, it doesn’t make them stronger – it makes them struggle in silence.” This pressure to suppress feelings can be linked to a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships later in life.

In addition to societal pressures, boys might not have the vocabulary to express their emotions, making it harder for them to articulate what they’re feeling. Often, the fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed further discourages them from sharing their inner thoughts.

5 tips to encourage boys to express themselves

1. Create an open environment
   Encourage open communication in the home by modelling it yourself. Dr. Justin Coulson, parenting expert and father of six, says, “Our kids learn how to manage emotions by watching us. If we talk openly about how we feel, they’re more likely to do the same.” Let your son see that it’s normal to talk about emotions, whether positive or negative.
2. Listen without judgement
   When your son does express his feelings, listen attentively and without interruption. It’s important to validate his emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them. This will make him feel heard and respected.
3. Use storytelling or role models
   Many boys may find it easier to express emotions through characters in stories or movies. Discuss characters from books or TV shows who show vulnerability and resilience, helping your son understand that it’s okay to feel and express a wide range of emotions.
4. Teach emotional vocabulary
   Start using simple emotional words like “happy”, “sad”, “angry”, and “frustrated” to give your son the language he needs to express himself. The more familiar he is with different emotions, the more comfortable he will feel identifying and expressing them. This helps your son name how he’s feeling and redirect to build his emotional literacy.
5. Praise emotional expression
   Whenever your son opens up about his feelings, praise him for doing so. Positive reinforcement will help him feel good about expressing himself and motivate him to do so more often. When negative emotions come up try to listen without judgement, help him figure out why he is feeling that way and find a healthy way to express that emotion.

In the end, helping your son express his emotions is not just about ensuring his mental wellbeing now, but equipping him with the tools to navigate relationships and challenges as he grows older.

As child psychologist Dr. John Marsden notes, “Boys don’t need to be tough all the time – they need to be heard, understood, and shown how to handle emotions in healthy ways.” Supporting your son to express his feelings helps build emotional intelligence and long-term wellbeing.

Brought to you by Brighton Grammar School