Supporting boys to resist peer pressure

At school last year, I offered to take on a class known for being disruptive. Right from the start, I could sense where the friction lay. As soon as I began the lesson, the banter started, led by a boy I’ll call James. He wasn’t trying to challenge me directly – instead, he was performing for his mates. When I spoke to him, he responded, but looked straight at his friends. He was seeking their approval, not mine.

This moment offered a glimpse into something we don’t talk about enough – how boys seek validation from peers and often act against their own values to fit in.

Why boys push boundaries

It’s easy to stereotype boys as boundary-pushers, but there’s more going on. Two key concepts can help explain these behaviours.

The first is pluralistic ignorance – boys may hold personal values that differ from what they think others believe. Still, they conform to fit in. For example, they might act disengaged in class, make sexist jokes, or mock emotional classmates – not because they believe it’s right, but because they think that’s what’s expected of them.

The second is precarious masculinity. There’s no clear marker for when a boy becomes a man, so boys feel constant pressure to prove themselves. Being “man enough” can feel like a fragile status, easily lost.

How parents can help

We can support boys by helping them develop a broader and more positive understanding of masculinity.

• Talk about good role models: Ask your son who he sees as a “good man” in his life and why. These conversations help shift the narrative away from stereotypes.
• Encourage emotional awareness: Use tools like the WIN model to help your son manage emotional responses and peer pressure.
• Celebrate a wider range of strengths: Acknowledge moments of kindness, empathy, or emotional honesty. These traits are just as valuable as strength and resilience.

By helping boys define what positive masculinity means for them, we give them the tools to stay true to their values and become confident, caring young men – not just someone performing a role.

Excerpt from an article by the Positive Masculinity Foundation. Read more here

Brought to you by Brighton Grammar School